Embracing the journey of singleness...
The Wedding Day… one of the most special day’s of your life. Growing up and watching Cinderella, Dirty Dancing and Pretty Woman believing that your prince too will come and rescue you from the loneliness and heartbreak you are in. That he will come, embrace you and treat you like the princess that you were born to be.
This is a dream that many women have had at some point in their lives. You may still have this dream. I was no exception. I was a frustrated single. I have had men (at different times) in my life that I believed loved me as best as they knew how to, and even promised to marry me. But both times times it didn’t happen – my dream didn’t come true. It can even be stated that that dream, still hasn’t come true.
I was focused on getting to the destination that I wanted to go - marriage. It’s what a young lady of eligible age does right? I was always looking for what could be, instead of what was. I always wanted more, and wasn’t content with what was. The truth was, I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t know my worth, and I sure didn’t know my value. I thought that everyone wanted what I wanted, but I was in my own bubble; living in a fantasy land that didn’t exist. I was looking at other’s to ‘save me’ and bring me to safety– marriage – where I thought I needed to be.
From a young age, I would be told: as women, we grow up, finish school, go to University, get a career and then get married and have children and a family of our own. By the age of 24, I had completed University, Law School, had an uprising law career, I was even in a relationship, but no marriage. I knew from the first month of dating that he could be my husband, I believed he was – but the Lord had other plans. I just knew that getting married was what was expected of me, however, it was all about me, I wanted to feel wanted, I wanted to be loved, and I wanted him to make me feel better about myself.
Instead of embracing life as it was, I was never satisfied and I always wanted more. I wanted more from others – more from my then boyfriend, he just needed to marry me so I could fulfil that which was expected of me in my family and in this world. Then, the worst thing happened, he was diagnosed with that dreaded word, Cancer. This man that I had built a marriage with in my head, had planned where we would live, what we would do and how many children we would have, it was all under threat. It was at this point in time I had a huge perspective check. It could no longer be about me, and what I wanted, if I wanted him in my life, I needed to be patient. This is where it begun – dying to myself. Dying to the fact that having children may be difficult in the future, and dying to my immediate need for marriage. I could not be selfish anymore. This man was battling for his life, and I needed to stick by him and show him support when he most needed it.
I learnt 4 key things in this process:
1. Life happens to us all, and we never really know what is around the corner– we just need to trust the process – and trust that our God who loves us will help us through whatever comes. Also, that whatever comes our way, that God will always turn it around for our Good. So I knew my marriage would be amazing – I just didn’t know how it would manifest.
2. When your eyes are so focused on an end result, you miss out on the blessings and lessons right before your eyes.I saw this man as my husband, but for all I knew he wouldn’t even live to ever become my husband! Because I was so fixed on the idea of getting married, I never really stopped to think whether he was really God’s best for me? I was just in too deep, invested in emotions and needed to keep sailing, when in hindsight, I needed to pause and reflect.
3. It is in the journey that we grow and become all that God created us to be in the given season of our lives.It was in this season that God needed me to learn how to stop being so selfish. God showed me that I needed to work on my foul mouth and managing my ‘feelings’ in a healthy way. I could no longer be the emotional rollercoaster that I had learnt to be. It was in this season I started to die to my flesh, and in turn trust God IN the process that I found myself in. The truth is, if I didn’t stop to learn some of these much needed lessons in life, I would have kept going around those mountains until I did – but I was done with trying and I needed help. I needed help from God. Who was I really? What was my hearts desires?
4. Had I of not stopped to pause and reflect in my season of singleness, I would have married a man that I know now isn’t God’s best for me.This thought alone actually scares me. My marriage would have been an absolute struggle – mainly because he didn’t even know the Lord for himself. My children would have been torn and conflicted with different faiths and I know that wouldn’t have glorified God. I came to know the Lord while in this relationship so at the start it wasn’t a priority – by now my priorities started shifting. Embracing the journey truly allowed me to embrace who I was becoming in Christ, and subsequently, learning to let the Lord lead me in the daily decisions I made.
We never ended up getting married in the end. In fact, January 2014 was when he chose to end the relationship with me because he knew in his heart he couldn’t be the man of God I needed him to be. His words were that he couldn’t love me the way I wanted to be loved (with God’s love). I thanked him and parted ways amicably.
I just knew in my heart that my God had a special man of God for me. He has since been moulding me to be the woman of God that my husband needs, as I am sure my God is building my husband to be all that he was created to be. At 30 years young, I am still in the season of singleness, but I truly love the woman that God has moulded me into. I am forever thankful, and I am eagerly awaiting the day my husband notices me and identifies me as his Wife; his good thing. Until then, I grow in the Lord and embrace the journey God has me on knowing that it’s all working for God’s glory and my good (Romans 8:28).
This blog was written 3 years ago. If this blog has blessed you or impacted you in any way, please let me know via email, social media or the Contact section of the website. I look forward to sharing more of my journey with you in hopes of encouraging and blessing you in your own journey of life.